’I Am a Girl and I Know Soccer’ [opinion]

I THINK every woman and girl must wear that T-shirt I saw in Mr Price inscribed with the words “I am a girl and I know soccer”, because the things that have been happening on the Brazilian soccer fields these few days have me wondering whether in the future die outies should be in charge of the World Cup or even local soccer. I know some of you are wondering why I would say a thing like that, while the fairer sex have kastig no idea what causes a penalty, an offside or being given a red card. Fair enough, we might not know the intrinsic details of the game, but things would not have gone the way they are, had we been given a 5050 share on the FIFA board or management.

First of all, if we ladies were part of FIFA, the moment that Brazil started lobbying to host the World Cup, we would have already negotiated in good faith. With the World Cup after every four years, we would have asked those mamacitas instantly go bold and donate that hair in honour of the not-so blessed when it comes to pieces of fur on their heads – what I mean is those with kroes koppe.

By now prices for Brazilian hair would have gone down and many ladies would have had the confidence to go to the World Cup. That fine hair would also not have had to compete with “Genuine Chinese Hair” now on the market, vakuetu. Must Bruce Lee’s people hoeka be in everything? First, it was the ondelela that they took over from the poor Meme’s who already have it hard making ends meet. I hear that they have now also shifted to the Ovaherero dress and are making lots of moola right in the heart of Hong Kong. All you need is to apparently just SMS your measurements.

And that thing some of those laanies did the other day at the World Cup – painting their faces pitch black or wearing goat heads kama in support of Ghana was just kak soek. I hear FIFA has rounded up some of those bleddie racists but if that world soccer body had a fair representation of women, things would have gone differently. The next day you would have seen all aerts cancelled to make room for “black is beautiful” ads on all post bulletins and condemned kambaruru (carrot) skin-lightener products because “you don’t have to be white to be right”.

Probably of all the dom things at the World Cup, nothing could come close to what the Uruguayan Liverpool Football Club forward, Luis Suaacuterez did to the son from the land of the Godfather. Mukuru, I know it’s nothing new and he is known for having quite an appetite for other’s flesh, but did the CNN really have to rope in Evander Holyfield’s accounts about how Mike Mike Tyson chaoed his ear some years ago. What did the two episodes have to do with the price of tea in China? If only we had a fair gender representation. I am sure it would have been a moment to reflect on Suaacuterez upbringing and to find answers to whether he was moered in riverbeds as a boy, because his biting behaviour can be a sign of repressed anger. Even locally, that ‘black-out’ match between Starlile and Orlando wouldn’t have gone to the courts had there been a balanced representation of aamatis and aakadhonas in the NFA. Rumours and innuendos would have made it to the ears of the players that they are chicken and something touching on their masculinity, like they are sisies – you know how no man wants to be called ombakata (coward) and before you know it, they would have been back on that Sam Nujoma Stadium pitch one or the other way. Make me a soccer commentator now, because “I am a girl and I know soccer.” Sorry Ngo!

Source : New Era