Rambler – Namtwitter – the Soft Rotten Underbelly of the Interwebs [column]

So I’m finally on Twitter and I’m already astounded at the level of and overwhelming prevalence of rachetry.

I’ve already learnt that Namibians can bleat. Jesses! So much crying! And over what?

On Wednesday morning all Namibians on Twitter could think of was masturbating.

I don’t know if they were sad for St Boniface’s kids who are apparently not allowed to spank the monkey or that they felt obligated to now vruif one uit on behalf of them.

It was randy. Bloody wankers!

Some of these armchair activists thought it their purpose in life to start a campaign for the humane treatment of the pupils of St Boniface. On top of their manifesto would be the right for pupils to skommel at will and where they want.

I learnt how quickly NamTwitter could diagnose a ‘problem’, ‘discuss’ its origin and its consequences and throw shade as a way of suggesting a remedy.

On NamTwitter there are waaayyy too many people taking themselves and their ill-informed views waaayyy too seriously.

Namibians on Twitter are convinced they must have an opinion on everything even if they don’t have an opinion on anything.

Some are so dimwitted they should enrol at St Boniface to go learn how to ask for permission to air your opinion but only after they’ve at least done the basic lessons of decorum in public and how not to expose your folly.

I now agree with the notion that Twitter should only be open to people who’ve some prescribed written material.

They are not even aware of the level of ignorance they exhibit and the overt racism they splatter on our timelines.

I think some would comment on an article and even make suggestions of where to put in an extra ka-comma but in the meantime, they’ve never even read the article.

I came to the conclusion that Namibians on Twitter are like a bunch of ass-munching critters who sniff out something to pounce on, eat its ass for about two hours straight and then move on to the next target.

Someone once said smarter people are on Twitter and the dull ones on Facebook. I’m not so sure after this week. But they definitely think they are.

And then there is the shade. So much shade was thrown I swear there were four suns shining at once.

One daily paper’s main story on Wednesday was so disparaged, I’m sure the editor of that paper could smell the shit thrown at him on Twitter. Apparently they made an old ass story their main story and had a picture fit for a teen magazine to accompany it. Of course I’m referring to the story on The Hage and his engagement. And then someone said Monica is not going to be the first lady but kamma the third lady. Cold. So cold.

So far I’ve not seen anyone worthy of a follow. And if you asked to be followed, you will move two places backwards in the line of people I might consider following one day.

Twitter suggested, as they do with all newcomers, people you could follow. I wasn’t sure if Twitter instantly knew things about me. They suggested I follow Supersport, Julius Malema and Pokello of Big Brother. Now, if there is anything more lokasie than those three, I don’t know. But why would they expose me like that?

There was even one chap saying I think I’m Bob Mugabe because I don’t follow anyone. Maara where’s my farm?

Also: Don’t start a hashtag if you don’t want it misused. That’s probably one of the first lessons I learnt looking at the potential material MTC’s new plug can be used for. I’m sure NamTwitter will soon find a way to take the piss of #MTCGETINSPIRED when they find out they’ve been taken for a ride. Again.

But I must say, a few Namibians on Twitter are witty. I just don’t know how much work (if any at all) they get done in a day.

And what’s with Twitter treating Namibians as if we are still a province of South Africa? There’s no official trending lists for Namibia and no one can verify an account. How?

I don’t think I’ll last long on this here BS.

I would never ask anyone to follow me but if you are in for some ratchetry, click that damn button.

It’s @NamRambler, by the way. But I’m sure you all knew that by now.

Source : The Namibian