Soul Food – Love Needs to Stop Being Blind…

Well, I say that because of the high rates of gender based violence in this country, literally the notion of “love is blind ” is a way of looking past your partner ‘s flaws without justifying them.

Often I hear people making fun of Taylor Swift’s songs and how she must be a train wreck when it comes to relationships. But the truth is Taylor’s songs can be related to by most young people. Taylor’s hit song “I knew you were trouble ” is about how she could see alarming signs in a guy before they even had a relationship. This story or situation is a common one, were by people date people they doubted since the beginning. You meet this person and just as you are getting to know them, you notice they have a temper, they are insecure, have rage, jealousy and controlling tendencies, etc. Many victims of gender based violence who have live to share their stories have testified how they saw the alarming signs but they were so in love, they turned a blind eye on the red flags. They went on to pursue a relationship with this person who then turned violent as soon as they were in a relationship.

It is important to know the person you are forming a relationship with. I believe it is time we stop applying the “love is blind” notion to our real lives. We cannot foolishly choose to turn a blind eye to alarming signs and end up victims. While you are so ” happily blind in love” ,you might just walk into a pit of blazing fire which you have a rare chance of getting out alive. You could feel the heat but you just decide to let your emotions lead the way. Our emotions should inspire us but our logical reasoning should lead us.

Love is a beautiful thing, but when you feel that something is not right pump your brakes and take a closer look or discuss it with someone to get a second opinion. Ask yourself questions like: is it safe to be in a relationship with this person? Does this person affect my life positively or negatively?

I have been following the Oscar Pistorius’ case that has been making headlines lately, and while I am not a law expert, judging from some of the text messages between Oscar and Reeva, I can say the red flags that Oscar can be abusive were there. In one specific text message to Oscar, Reeva argues how she does not like how Oscar controls her, loses temper and flips at her ( just in the period of three months they reportedly dated). She chose to stay in the relationship anyway and the circumstances around her death remains debatable.

You do not have to become a victim right in front of your “blindly in love eyes”. If you are sensing some heat, wear your logical reasoning cap and make a decision. The person is not going to change once they are in a relationship with you (maybe for the first two days ). If they admit to be insecure or have jealousy tendencies, they must work and solve their issues first (psychologists and counselors are always ready to help ). So what then if you find yourself in an abusive relationship (maybe you really didn’t see any red flags)… let’s leave that for next week.

Source : New Era