We Just Saam Gekom [opinion]

I RECEIVED the 2014 Best Prankster Award on April Fool’s Day, but while busy preparing for my acceptance speech, guns started blazing from every direction.

Guns blazed about how mean I was for fooling people over something sensitive.

I am not going to say what the subject was because I don’t want to be thrown with kook (boiled) water or eggs in my face while crossing the street because in Tura lingo, “kapeno ndjenda” (there is no mercy). I profusely apologize to those who felt offended about how I made them look like mamparas, but since the prank meeting was luckily not physical but virtual, I didn’t have to lose any of my teeth or my Brazilian hair.

That’s why I am gonna dance like we did in the early 90’s to that German pop hit song, ‘I’ve Got The Power!’ Hahaha! They say ‘man, man in sy baan’ (mind your own business) – if you don’t like what I say or said, just mumble ‘mxxm’ and keep on walking like Johnny Walker. Some of you must be new to the prank game because your pranks were hilarious but too predictable on Tuesday. I liked hoaxes about the number one citizen of our most southern neighbour negotiating with the tjiramues for another bride in Omaheke.

Even KK’s kamastige bragging about his Range Rover and the kriewa full of moola in his bank account got me chuckling – or was it huka true?

But some of the lame pranks couldn’t go unnoticed, such as those coming from some well-known syplape who declared to all and sundry that they were kama gonna quit drinking as from April first. What? Haikona. Now why did you think you would fool us with such blunders?

We know that some of the watering holes are under lock and key after you dried them up. We also know that you battered your TV set, clothes or whatever you could find in your home to ease not only the babalaz.

Some of the common pranks were “we are pregnant, in love or getting married” – that was cute and fluffy and even though some were rolling their eyes at your pranks and saying “in your dreams”, I wish you well and hope your dreams do eventually come true. But I have also realized that you just can’t make certain jokes with Namibians (or some) and these are a few pranks I have compiled that will get you moered instantly even if it’s April Fool’s Day:

Never make a joke that someone’s kamboroto was found in the company of a Denzel Washington look-alike. This is the number one lie you should never invent because you know the consequences and the statistics tell the story.

Never make those ‘your mama’ jokes or lie about someone’s mother especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Some people don’t take kindly to their mommy being ridiculed even if it’s an April Fool’s joke.

Don’t prank about how much moola you got especially around ncinas. You will go find that money even if you must go break into Woermann Brock.

Don’t make a joke that someone has turned skeef. Atata, with so much going on everyone is so conscious of their sexuality that making a prank about their kooi preference could land you in hot soup.

Don’t pretend to be a burglar entering your tate’s home. Ta! He won’t think twice to blow your head off before you say the word “fool”. Don’t announce that someone is dead when it’s not true. Africans don’t take kindly to such nonsense and would think you are wishing death on that person.

Don’t lie to people that you have now become a witch or have started using muti. You will never get yourself out of that one and they will be suspicious of you or start digging up everything bad that happened to them or their relatives and claim you put a bad omen on them.

After all, we Africans didn’t start this April Fool’s Day. We just saam gekom (copied). Sorry Ngo!

Source : New Era